Just My Two Cents

"Relax, go with the flow." Hmmm…this is one concept that’s not very appealing to me. First, I do not relax. I believe in work. Second, I don’t want to be swept along with the flow. I want to impose what I want on things around me. Well that’s what I am and it worked for me (at least for the last 10 years, i guess) And then one time, during a a pay-day, I looked at my ATM account and realized that my expected pay had not come through and I was broke for the weekend.

This struck me as very unjust (like seeing it as a good example of social injustice) I know so well that I hadn’t slacked off. I’ve met my deadlines and all other stuffs to be included in the payroll - and I had to suffer like this? Basically I had two options: Get angry with the HR people which is pointless and tiring, or just acknowledge that there are circumstances that is beyond human control, pretend nothing happened and go with the flow. Patience is virtue as they would always say.Hahahaha! Somehow, the approach appealed to me and plus, I didn’t have much of a choice. I decided I would make no plans for the weekend. I’ll just lace around my room or face my laptop and check-out the net for some new ideas, or better yet do my routine work-out. I would simply drift. If friends asked me to join them I would, but I would not ask them first.Hehehe.. =P

The following day, a friend of mine texted me. He would be checking some new cross-training shoes since he just enrolled in a gym and asked if I would care to join him? I explain my situation that it’s a "Take-a-Broke-College-Instructor-and-Graduate-Student-in-a-Weekend-Shopping," and so he agreed to treat me lunch (Hehehe..imagine the horridness if your friends reply will be, "Oops, some other time, I guess?") We had chicken and pasta for lunch and afterwards we scoured the mall for cross-training shoes. Unexpectedly another friend decided to join us, so now its like shopping to the highest level (minus me spending, of course..)

As luck would have it, just before dinnertime, another friend texted me that she wanted to check the new menu in a restaurant and might want to hop in. Again I explain to her my situation and she decided to treat me for dinner. It’s a rainy and gusty weekend, perfect for hot plates and pork sinigang. =P

So, lesson learned: Just go with the flow and eventually you’ll get used to it (Now, it seems to be a very scary thought huh? Hehehe!)

I am still awake until this hour (4:49 am) so I think I’ve had a lot of time to think today, and one of those things I’ve thought about is my “status” of being single. I’ve decided I love and hate it and can’t fall off the fence of this one. I know some or most of my friends are incapable of being single for a period of time longer than approximately two months without fretting and feeling desperately single.

Well these are my random thoughts:

I hate not having a companion of which is guaranteed to want to go out for coffee with me, or see a film, or simply visit the shops with. I know I could just invite friends, but often they are not available, or just too damn busy. When you’re a couple your partner is your guaranteed default.

I love the freedom! No-one to answer to, no-one calling up when you’ve stayed out too late… it’s the life of the free single and all of you out there should embrace it! hehehe! =P

I hate being the “wheel”. Familiar? If its you and a couple you’re the third wheel, if its you and two couples you’re the fifth wheel. It’s just not a scenario that I enjoy or is particularly inviting.

I love having a crush on someone secretly. These people don’t know, and nobody knows I that I feel this way. I have no intention on acting on these feelings more than possibly sending them messages, speaking to them and generally being in their presence. Its harmless, a little cute if I do say so myself, and just fun. I just like the feeling of butterflies when you see them unrepentantly or they reciprocate mild flirting.

I hate having to change from love to hate, but I hate more when you have to tell strangers/workmates/uni friends that your still single, a year or more after they ask. Its even worse when they are in their third or so relationship… or engaged and your still single, and aging, running out of time. Its crushing.

I hate rejection, and dating is full of it, and thus not worth the risk. Nothing is more soul-destroying than someone saying “sorry, your not my type”, or “its not working between us” when you don’t feel the same way. Ok, sure, I’ve gone off track a bit… but rejection is bad. Avoid rejection, blog instead. Geez, I’m lame.

I love being single.

I hate being single.

I will add to this if anything else comes up, but until then this is my little list of loves/hates when it comes to being single. =D

I had my 1st semester in law school and i HATE it. . .i know first year is supposed to be bad, and part of me thinks it will be better once i start getting into my electives. Another part of me says i should bail while i can. i feel like it’s more some bizzarre hazing ritual than an education. my grades are average/mediocre, and i’m just wondering if this shit gets any better.hehe.

I’m thinking about going back to teaching. Something where I can use more of my knowledge base on a day to day basis, where I am not treated like an idiot every day, where I have the prospect of coworkers who might actually want to be friends with me rather than pick me apart for every misplaced comma, and where, I hope, I will be able to see a "light at the end of the tunnel," so to speak, in that even when things get hectic, I’m only a few weeks/months away from a several-day break.

On the other hand if someone will ask me if i regretted going to law school, i will proudly say ‘No way’.  I liked it, even when it sucked, and I liked doing it and doing it well.  I liked the kind of mental work I learned to do there, the language and vocabulary and precision of thought I got from it, and the introduction to the geography of the common law statutes.  I value the confidence I have and my general sense that nobody can bully me with the law.  I don’t regret law school, even if I never practice law a day in my life again.

But to realize a life-goal, i think i have no choice but to live a life that law school has to offer. And somehow I have already psyched myself that I can become a lawyer even without San Beda.

Well I think I will forever be a law school virgin..

Read on:

There was once a soldier who was somewhat influenced by the teachings of Buddha. In one of the soldier’s jumps, his parachute did not open. He prayed: "Great Buddha, please save my life." Buddha extended his hands and the soldier landed right in the palms of Buddha. When the soldier realized that he was safe, he made the sign of the cross and prayed: "Lord Jesus Christ, Thank You." Buddha got mad and he smashed the soldier to the ground.   =P

Nothing is in a state of permanence in life. Constantly, there are innovations that will happen every now and then. Though life maybe seen as a routine, it is a invariable struggle to the different changes that keep on recurring. The significance of the different moments in life is the learning that takes place like the different colors of the rainbow. In life, there is a path leading to success. However, numerous crossroads are to be encountered. Indeed, there are a lot of care-worn events that need to be challenged in order to gain success.

Living is  not only hurdling difficulties, but also sharing excitement to people who in one way or another have lost their sight of life’s grandeur.

Education is one of the many distinct forms of living. It is a journey to self-disclosure and maturity. Hence, it is a timeline of struggles of passing and realizing the importance of the different lessons.

Life takes every person to different paths, be it for ambition, security, or failure. Indeed, even failure. Whatever road one takes in this great and distressing journey, one should never forget where it all began.

One must look back at his beginnings and be able to search for his inspirations in order to go through. Then, as we look ahead, we will see that our doubts are cleared and the path towards the end is brighter.

For that, I will never forget what Fr.Dean  (Fr. Francis Hubilla,OSB) told me the day before our graduation: "Every now and then, try to look back to your Bedan and Benedictine formation. It will be your source of strenght as you face a world full of challenges."

Without an advanced degree—doctorate definitely preferred—it’s nearly impossible to become a tenured faculty member. Lecturers or Instructors (like me for instance) are at the bottom of the departmental hierarchy and consequently aren’t involved in setting the direction.

The problem is that those who’ve spent years in the trenches—nurturing these disciplines, aren’t likely to go back to get an advanced degree in something they can probably teach, and arguably teach better than someone who’s only experience has been theory and research. But in the academe—no degree, no tenure.PERIOD!

To their credit, a number of professors I’ve talked with recognize this problem. Unfortunately, it’s unlikely to be resolved without an overhaul in the way the academe works so that masters of the crafts are valued as much as a master’s (or doctoral) degree.